Monday, April 30, 2012

Song of the Day: Monday

Rough night. I had good news this morning and I thought my challenge would be to find some song that I hadn't used to evoke my mood. I was so wrong.

I went out with friends tonight to celebrate and came home devastated. One word spoken was enough to crush the mood and leave me wooden. And when I was alone, waiting for the train, trying not to break down into tears, sobbing like a baby. I never expected it from this group of friends. I wasn't crushed; just really, really disappointed and questioning whether I had made the right choice in this group. It wasn't a real existential debate, just the things that one things when considering how one got to such a pivotal moment in time. I'm not abandoning my friends. But I am not sure how to behave now.

I am not sure I believe that he didn't know what he was saying. I doubt question whether he truly didn't understand the gravity of what he said. No matter the answer to those questions, what was said was said and it is now there for me to respond to. My first instinct was to hurt back, but I am an adult now and that is no longer my way. My current instinct is to withdraw from my friends as I wonder if they too are thinking and saying the same thing behind my back. Not as a conspiracy but just out of a painful ignorance.

This incidence seems appropriate to what we discussed tonight. I hear him asking me the same question that I expressed earlier tonight. And it's tempting for me to walk away. But I won't.

Anyway, this is the song that seems appropriate to my mood right now.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Song of the Day: Sunday

I love Florence and the Machine. There is something about her voice, her phrasing, the theatricality of her singing that has made her one of my favorites since Lungs. When the new album, Ceremonials, came out. I wasn't so sure. It was new and different from the former. However this past week, I was reading one of my blogs and I changed my mind.

This blogger that I follow wrote about her experience traveling with a friend to an orphanage in a country in Zambia. She wrote about many things, including working and singing with the children there. She said there was music day and night because the kids loved music so much. She shared a video of these precious children singing and dancing to this song. They were so happy and carefree. The thought pricks my eyes with tears. Florence is now back in the playlist rotation!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Song of the Day: Saturday

This song was one of my favorites in high school. It's a bright infectious 80's tune that got everyone dancing. And, the chorus easily stuck in my head.

It wasn't until I was an adult that I understood what the lyrics meant. It wasn't as if they tried to hide the meaning. I'm just sometimes slow! I guess if I had seen this, the banned, version of the video, I would have figured it out.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Song of the Day: Friday

I guess this has been a long week. I don't actually recall. I just remember coming to work today and feeling unproductive. Like I couldn't find my stride. I tried to focus and did get some things done, but in the late afternoon it occurred to me that I was not being productive. So I decided to go home.

Today's mood reminded me of this song by the Smiths. It's where he says, "Oh, I wanna go home/Don't make me stay." I had thought I was the only strange one who got happy listening to the Smiths, despite their depressing lyrics, but there are others out there. Is it the confluence of the music and lyrics in a sort of perfection that create joy?

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Song of the Day: Thursday

Today was eventful. Some things went better than I expected. Others, not so much. But, I am happy that it's over and I am closer to the weekend!

I was a bit hyped up and stressed, but it all went well. Even the thing that stunned me a little bit. In celebration, here is today's song.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Song of the Day: Wednesday

Tonight I had an after-work meeting. It was for one of my professional activities. We had new people show up, which is great. But we had one Jabberwocky that even my patient leader was ready to slay. This is the song that comes to mind. This context skews the intent of the song, but the intent is correct. I love Amy Mann! But the douchebag boyfriend is ... a douchebag!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Song of the Day: Tuesday

Today, despite running late and a snotty nose from allergies, I was in a good mood. So good that I stopped by my allergist's office and sang part of this song for the receptionist. It's her name.

My introduction to this was a cover by Tori. Someone had given me the Crucify EP in which she wore a necklace of wild onions! I loved the haunting way she sang over the light carousel-like piano accompaniment. She definitely showcased her voice and made me love this song before I knew it was by the Stones.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Song of the Day: Monday

I got some good news today. Expected, yet unexpected. I think I underestimate myself. I am quick to believe that everyone else is good at something. But, I forget to include myself in that list. Maybe it's because I'm so used to people thinking less of me that I can't do better? No. Maybe it's the fact that I have internalized other's poor expectations for me. Maybe, but it's still no excuse. I've gotta work on that.

This is one of the songs that's been playing in my head since I got my good news. On principle I am not a big fan of John Mayer. But, he's in the compendium so sometimes I get stuck singing his music. And trying not to heave.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Song of the Day: Sunday

There's a lot to be said for keeping your mouth shut. If you don't talk, you can't say something stupid. You don't have to eat a toe-jam sandwich. Someone once said that  it's "better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." I agree. It's also safer.

I've learned, in the school of hard knocks, that sometimes it's better to remain a mystery. The less people know about you, the less ammunition they have to hurt you. And, when the teacher is someone close to you, someone you trust, your learn quickly to zip your lips.

The problem with this lesson is that you are never known by anyone, including yourself. It's crippling. It's a lonely, lonely place. It's easy to get hurt when your finally try to open up to let people in because you are anticipating it. And, it's hard even to tell people how they wound you for fear that they'll do it again.

But, I have to believe that there is value in using your voice--even if it trembles when you speak. There is value in standing up for yourself, speaking your mind, and being heard. People get to know you, yes. But you also get the opportunity to grow and help others grow with you.

For some reason this song seems to fit. It's not exactly what Rich Mullins was thinking when he wrote this song, but for me there is an abutment. And that's good enough for me.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Song of the Day: Friday

I'm not sure why but I am on some girl power kick this week. I DVRed The Voice and got to hear Lindsey Pavao sing "Part of Me". However, I'm using the Katy Perry version because the video is girl power. Bring back the Spice Girls!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Song of the Day: Thursday

As much as is possible I avoid conflict. I don't like to argue or fight. When I lose my temper one of two thing will likely happen. I will either get mad and cry. Or, I will get mad and say things that have the potential to scorch the earth.

So, as much as possible I try to keep my cool. Instead, I will bite my tongue and walk away from a situation. Most times I never revisit an incident with the other party. However, if the problem is pernicious enough, I will organize my thoughts and approach the other party to get to resolution. That, of course, assumes that there is a somewhat equal relationship.

The other day I had a heated conversation with someone who wants me to think of him as my equal despite the fact that he occasionally likes to play whose the boss. It resolved itself with me getting mad and speaking my mind. Not my first choice of how to interact with this person. Usually my first response is to duck and nod and teleport myself somewhere else, if I could.

Anyway, when I mentioned to a friend something I said, she told me that I was so direct (like that is a negative thing). I left her office singing this song, not from the "love done wrong gets even" point of view but from the "enough is enough" perspective. Gotta love country girls getting feistier!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Song of the Day: Hump Day

Today was much better. Apparently a hot bath works on migraine-like headaches. Slept really well. But, I have to get up wicked early to teach a 9am class. If you think I'm whining, know that I usually don't arrive at work until 9:30. At 9 I am normally waiting for or on a train headed for work.

Anyway, I'm not sure why, but this is the song that is currently in my head. It's part of my musical vocabulary.  I was 12 when this song came out. I'm sure I was mooning over some nonexistent boy who would call to sing this whenever this song was on the radio. This song conjures up a general feeling of embarrassment from those awkward years that i wish I could erase. Ugh!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Song of the Day: Tuesday

It seems like lots of little things that cold go wrong are attempting to do so. For the past few days my tummy has been queasy. The kind of queasy where it likes me better if I don't actually put food in it. I had a stressful day at work yesterday and came home not wanting to do anything except read and sleep. Sleep was elusive.  I woke up with the hint of a headache and knot in my shoulder, both of which have gotten progressively worse as the day has gone one. I put in my contacts and began to rub my eyes. Freaking allergies!

I could do maudlin depression; I am good at that! But I look at all the little things and don't lament my sad life. Instead I think of the possibilities that await me around the corner. This song, though sung in traditional Moz fashion, is actually a bit of a hopeful song for me. Actually a lot of The Smiths' songs are happy or funny to me. Guess I'm weird.

Okay, maybe this isn't such a happy song....

Song of the Day: Monday

So, I flubbed Monday. In my defense I had a bad yesterday. Nothing I wish to discuss.

Here's Monday's song. I got to see these guys a long time ago at Midtown Music Fest, when Atlanta still had it. They were great!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Song of the Day: Sunday

So, today I've been humming Tori. I was introduced to her music during some of my formative years. I discovered that we have some things in common. We're both from North Carolina despite her parents' defection to Maryland. And, yes, it is correct that our biscuits are soft and sweet.

Once I got over the angry and depressed music, this song is the one that stuck with me. Typical me, I substituted "soul" for "star". Tori's a good writer but I like my version better.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Song of the Day: Saturday

It has just recently occurred to me that the reason I am suffering from insomnia is that I am SO stressed. The tossing and turning kind of stressed. The kind of stressed that it seems an onerous chore to pull my shoulders our of my ears. Yeah, that kind of stressed.

Even though I am a "religious" person, I have a hard time "passing my burdens over to God." (I am a little queasy that I actually wrote that phrase!) I'm so used to having to do things for myself that even if God showed up today (and I wasn't burnt to a crisp for being a humongo sinner) and told he that he had everything under control, I'd have a hard time letting go. But, God is sneaky! He shuffles through my mental compendium of songs and sings to me. (Yes, I am strange!)

So, tonight on my train ride home, this song popped in my head through no fault of my own. I am familiar with Shawn Mullins and may have actually met him. Before he hit it big with this song, when we both were in Atlanta, he was a barristo at the local coffeehouse my friend owned. When this song blew up, it was the talk of the shop that he used to work there--especially after he filmed one of his music videos there. Needless to say, because he was a local, every damned radio station in Atlanta played this song until until love for this song turned to hate. It's the chorus that comforts me.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Song of the Day: Friday

Miss A surprised me today by inviting me out to lunch. It's payday so we both had a few nickels in our pockets. We went to Tiny's for lunch. I had the Cobb Salad (where I had to explain to the waiter that yes I knew which ingredients were actually in a Cobb Salad and I was okay with eating them!) and she had the fish and chips (I swear they must have spit on the fries to make them taste that good!).

Anyway, the music was an interesting mix: Paul Simon, Van Morrison, Simon & Garfunkel, Ladysmith Black Mambazo. When this song came on, I told Miss A about how this was my introduction to the Grateful Dead and then when I heard the rest of their music I realized why I'd never before heard of them; I thought it was crap in comparison. I must have scandalized the guy at the adjoining table (like all faithful Deadheads!) because he told me the names of two of their best, most perfect albums that I should listen to from beginning to end (but they slipped my mind!). He also said that I probably had heard them even if I didn't realize, which I agree with since I was a classic rock girl in high school (boyfriend) so I just turned to the station and horrified my family by singing whatever came on. Like Led Zeppelin....

Song of the Day: Thursday

I flubbed this one. I have been struggling with insomnia all week. And, finally, last night (Thursday!) I was so exhausted I started falling asleep watching tv. At 8 o'clock at night!!! I finally made my way to bed right before nine, because I had to put up a fight.

And, after my bedtime routine, I tried to read a book. I kept dozing off, so I decided to go to bed. At 10:10. (I do remember half a thought about the blog before entering the land of Nod.) Next thing I knew it was morning and I felt good. Except for the fact that it was bright and sunshiny outside and I had about an hour before my alarm went off.

I could have used some more sleep, but what I got was wonderful. The mellow kind of wonderful where one (meaning I) wanders around singing Frou Frou. I forget which song was on my mind, but this one is apropos considering how exhausted I must have been to fall asleep in front of the tv at 8.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Song of the Day: Wednesday

Here is today's song. I can't tell you why. I don't really understand it myself. It just is.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Song of the Day: Tuesday

I am caught up on The Voice. Tonight I watched the dvr of Monday and the live of tonight's shows. There were some good performances, but nothing that sticks with me like last week's performances.

Lindsey Pavao is great. There is something about her voice and style that makes me want to buy whatever album she drops. Last week she sang Somebody I Used to Know. The song is so beautiful and haunting. The arrangement and staging were awesome. As I searched for the original artist, I found another cover by Walk Off The Earth. The video is so innovative and they are a great group. I'll be keeping an eye out for them as well.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Song of the Day: Monday

Today was a bit of a slow day. I stuttered a little. I have a long list of things to do--if I ever find the time. I found the time, but it took me a few minutes to remember what was on my list.

No major songs on my mind today. I'd been listening to Frank, but somehow this song got stuck in my head. I used to be in love with Lionel Richie! But this video is a little bit stalkerish! Funny how in the 80s we would have been flattered and today we have 911 in our speed dial!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Song of the Day: Sunday

Today I had Easter dinner with my CL friends. I was the only non-Italian there. It was funny! And, these people are so dear to me. I had planned to stay home, cook for myself and watch some tv. Instead, I watched tv when I got home.

I was watching The Voice live show and the results show on dvr. This year has a little twist: after America votes, the bottom three get to sing another song for their coach to win a save. On Team Christina, Ashley De La Rosa sang this song. Really, really good. She blew me away! And she got the save!

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Song of the Day: Saturday

Happy Easter!!! I went to the vigil with some friends at a Dominican parish. The music was so beautiful!

During the homily, the priest talked about our lives in cycles of Lent and Easter. One thing that he said that stuck with me is, "Love conquers all--even death!" Wow! Seems almost sacrilegious but it reminded me of the movie "The Princess Bride" where Westley says to Buttercup, "Death can't stop true love. It can only delay it for a while." So, obviously, this is the song of the day. It's the only analogy in my head that helps me make sense of love conquering all.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Song of the Day: Friday

Today was a busy day. Even though I did not work, I was working. I went to the Way of the Cross and got recruited to work. Crazy! I'm glad I did it, but not quite the day I had planned.

I had lunch with some friends and then I came home, to do laundry. With clothes washed and dried, I became a bit of an organization freak. Everything that can be, is hanging in the closet or folded in a drawer. The only thing undone is the matching of socks. There's always tomorrow for that.

As I prepared for bed, I was answering questions from my study of Psalm 139. I'd already read the blog post and it was a bit life-altering. This is the Psalm where David talks about how there is no place where he can hide from God and not thought he can have that God does not know. For some people that is comforting. For me, that's terrifying. I've had people use personal knowledge of me against me. Definitely not comfortable!

Today's blogger wrote about how we can trust God with this knowledge of us, with the fact the he knows how we are going to screw up (again) before we do it. Kind of wild! I goes it never occurred to me. Not true, it occurred to me, but it was nowhere near the top of my list of things to do.

One thing this study encourages is that even the brokenhearted should seek closeness with God; he beckons us! I'm that brokenhearted person. Or I was. I'm not so much anymore. But, I'm not necessarily jumping up and down to trust people again either.

Anyway, "brokenhearted" triggered this song. Jimmy Ruffin sings the original and lots of people have covered it. I like the Joan Osborne version best. Yes, I have a penchant for "white" soul, but there is just something so poignant and moving about the emotions she puts into this song.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Song of the Day: Thursday

I completed some items on my to-do list and made some progress in one area of my responsibility. Got disappointed by a response to an incident that caused my Woosah moment yesterday. Really disappointed. The kind that makes me rethink everything from the beginning of when I entered this profession. Did I know what I was getting into? Am I cut out for this job? I am sometimes socially awkward but do I have the skills for working with people? And specifically with this group of people?

This is the song that kept playing in my head after I read the response. I don't know much about Phil Wickham. I got this song as a free download and it's stuck with me. Just hearing him sing "grace" with such heartfelt emotion is soothing to that wounded part of me. It's like washing out the debris: it hurts a little but it will get better as things are cleaned out.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Song of the Day: Wednesday

Today has been a long and trying day. I had an insomniac night and an early morning. Had one of those encounters where I really need a woosah break!

Anyway, going back to my 80s roots, here's a song from New Order. Apropos!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Song of the Day: Tuesday

Today I had a number of songs that I'd planned to list for song of the day. But in the past few days, this is the song that keeps playing in my head. I love Adele!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Song of the Day: Sunday

Yeah. I spaced on this. I have no song for Sunday.


Song of the Day: Monday

It's Monday. I've been a bit draggy since Friday. Could be the anesthesia and pain meds. Who knows.

Today's song is by TLC. Not sure why. It just is. Definitely a blast from the past!