I am not good with people--especially when I am tired. The best people skill that I ever learned was to keep my mouth shut. But there are times when a closed mouth will not do. And, tonight was one of those.
I had the late shift tonight so I didn't get to see my friends until almost 10. They are all excited for my new job and my move. I'd prefer not to talk about it. Imagine getting asked the same questions again and again by very extroverted Italians within a 20 minute period of time. And imagine every conversation involving the question "Are you happy?" along with an encouragement to find this or that friend or group in SB. With every. single. conversation. from the time you began the application process four months ago. It wasn't until last month that I figured out that the "Are you happy?" was not an existential question, but a question of whether I am pleased with the opportunity and my choice.
It was too much pressure for me. I have been by myself for so long, answering to no one and having no one actually interested in what I did unless it was for their benefit. It never occurs to me to call anyone to let them know I arrived safely because I didn't grow up having to report my whereabouts when I left the house.
I am not equipped for how to respond when so many people show an interest in me. I have gotten better at accepting praise, but accepting so much attention and the barrage of interested questions about me? Too much!
Tonight I lost it a little before I had to remind myself that I am tired and it's not their fault. With each successive question, I had to inhale first and then answer, when all I wanted to do was go home and go to bed. On my way home tonight, I realized that I need to learn to function, if not thrive, in this kind of situation. Otherwise I will end up alone. So, today's song.
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